You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
