If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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