Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
