Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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