you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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