You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
