Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize