I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize