Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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