Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
