do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
