Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Drunk is not a location!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
