Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
