dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
