you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
