There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
