PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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