the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
