He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize