I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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