my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
