i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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