I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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