My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
