I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
