I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
