your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
