WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
