Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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