She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
