happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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