she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
