I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
