I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
