Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
