can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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