So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
