He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
