Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
