imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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