I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just invented taco cereal.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm always down for nudity.
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