Soap is not a condiment
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
