I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
