in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
