Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize