Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize