When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
