I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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