i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
