He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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