for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize