I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
