so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
