He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
