from now on my penis is your penis
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
