Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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