My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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