Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
