Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
