Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
