hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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