I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I smell stomach acid.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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