ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize