Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
