The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
