Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
