i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
