Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
