dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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