he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
why do cheetos always look like penises
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
