hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
