My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
