i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
