you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
