i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
