Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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