woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
