was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
