Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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