Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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