I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
