It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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