just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
