apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
