Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize