Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
