i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
