We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
