The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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