she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
