You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
