I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
