Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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